Great Expectations

“The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations.” (Eli Khamarov)

Like the weather, too much depends on expectations. Expectations rule out lives. Expectations are bad things. We should regulate or limit our expectations as much as possible. I know that I’m kinda swimming against the current here; the big secret to never-ending happiness according that (stupid) book “The Secret” is to expect that the things you want to happen will happen. (Sorry to ruin it for you, but now you don’t need to waste your time or money on it. Yay!)

So why are expectations - your beliefs about what will likely happen – bad? Well for one thing they regulate our behaviour. If you expect something is going to happen, you’ll act differently. You’ll act differently than were we to expect it to not happen, or if we were to have no expectations about it either way. So, for example, if you expect that hottie you picked up at the bar will do anal, you’ll probably act differently when you get together than how you’d act had you not had that expectation. But the adverse way expectations impact our behaviour is only half the problem. Expectations are so often the source of our suffering. When the things we desire don’t come to fruition, it sucks: If you expected something to happen, and it doesn’t, you can find yourself dishearten. And that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is the net result of when what you expected to happen failed to occur coupled with the way your behaviour was influenced. You acted like an idiot – you trotted around expecting certain things will come your way when they never did.

Sure, sometimes expectations will come true. And that can be the source of pure glee. But that’s not enough to offset to badness that can come from misplaced expectations. After all, you’ll still be joyful when things you would have expected come about even if you never expected them… but you won't endure the same suffering if they don’t come about and you had you never expected them. Moreover you wouldn’t have acted like an idiot either! So the safe bet is to minimize your expectations.

You might be thinking “Gee, Paul, you make an excellent point. But sometimes my behaviour - modified from my expectations - makes it more likely that those expectations will be realized. So can’t expectations still be a good thing?” Whether or not your expectations make it more or less likely that that which you expect to happen will happen is irrelevant. You shouldn’t want to influence people and their actions in such a way. Even though it’s nice to get what you want, you should respect everyone individual agency – their individual ability and right to decide what to do and how to contribute to the outcome of a situation. (Things are different, of course, if they actively seek your in put in making their decisions.)

Having said all that, it’s important to realize exactly what I’m saying here (and what I’m distinctively not saying). I’m not being pessimistic here; I’m not advocating negative expectations instead of positive ones (e.g. instead of expecting that mommy will remember your birthday this year, expecting that she won’t remember). That would be pessimistic. That’s not what I’m saying. Instead, what I am saying, is that you shouldn’t have expectations about things either way (e.g. instead of expecting that mommy will remember your birthday this year, have no expectations about her behaviour – don’t think that she will; and don’t think that she won’t). This is the liberating view I’m espousing here. I could say more, but I think that’s enough for now. This is just my spur-of-the-moment thoughts on the subject. I could be wrong. After all, what do I know.