Why I Hate Buses

“I'd rather go by bus.” (Prince Charles)

For those of you that read my "Repugnance of Eating" post, you might suffer a similar reaction to this one. Consider this forewarning, it's gonna be in the same vein. Stop reading now if you a naive idealist; convinced in the greatness of everything deemed "good". In fact, if that's who you are, just go kill yourself; your relentless positivity drives us normals crazy.

That foreword aside, I hate public buses. They're blue collar, gross, and undignified. But, for whatever reason, they're popular. Poor people use 'em cuz their cheap. Communists use them for the common good. Hippies uses them 'cause it's better for the planet. Really, though, these groups are all members of one uber-group: students. Students are stupid. They sleep in, go to uni, and sit around talking about the greatness of Maoism. All without putting in 15 minutes of genuine work per day. Don't get me wrong, studenthood is fantastic. I'm a relentless fan of learning and the general experiences that come with being a student. But that doesn't mean students are right.

Really, though, it's those student types that most often defend public transportation. The other people that have to patron buses don't. Blue collar types, for instance. They typically don't like the bus any more than I; they just have to take it. They can't afford a car or the fuel to run it. So they have to take the bus. And that's understandable. And okay for them. But for the rest of society - the non-blue collar types - having to sit near them on the bus is degrading. The jerkoff idealists might "boo hiss" me here for being a social elitist here, but the tenability of social elitism isn’t the issue at hand. I'm comfortable with people from different social classes mingling, but it should be done on their terms. People should mingle because they want to; not by force in virtue of having to share the same 40-foot limousine.

And that's really a stupid euphemism for busses - “40-ft limo”. In the words of Tui advertising, “Yea, Right.” It sugar coats over what they are - gross - and makes them sound pleasant (which they’re not). Even brand new busses look fresh out of the Soviet Bloc of yesteryear; made for utility and for the long haul. Ugly patterns designed to hide stains and graffiti. Plastic seats that require little or no maintenance. No air conditioning to cool it, which causes the fat ugly people inside to sweat and stink up the bus more than they normally do on a dreary rainy day. And nothing to quiet the noise of the motor or the world around you. Travelling should be quiet and comfortable; a way for you to get from your point of departure to the point of arrival in comfort and isolation; in a bubble.

Travelling in a bubble keeps you dignified. That's not to say that it makes you dignified. Whatever level of dignity you got when you get in your car you'll still have when you get out. But cars typically don't take away your dignity or sophistication. Sure some cars, like "boy racers" look (and are) stupid. But if you own one of those or freely enter one you look (and are) stupid to begin with, regardless of how you choose to get around. No reasonable person can say that buses are dignified. Because they ain't. You look like a chump when you wait at the bus stop and when you run to make it there on time; dignified ppl get around on their schedule, not that of the city transit authority. And no one looks dignified getting off a bus, no matter how nicely she's dressed. When you get off a busy you stagger a bit, having had to jump to the curb, and look around as if disoriented. Then, as soon as the bus loudly pulls away, you walk and try to present yourself as having been there the whole time; having no association with the ungodly abomination crowding our fine city streets.

The worst, tho, is the existence of the bus itself. I already went over the horrors of being forcibly associated with riff raff and the lack of basic creature comforts our advanced civilization has afforded us, but the real tragedy is the suffering inflicted on everyone so long as buses crowd our motorways. Even from the outside they're an eyesore. Brandished with fugly paint jobs and whored to the hilt with adverts. While noisy and smelly on the inside, those offenses are worse for those good folks in the convertible next to it. But this is when those jerkoff idealists pipe up again; moaning about the "benefits" to the environment. Gimme a break. Buses surely aren't improving my environment. And their detrimental qualities - the ones I've presented fairly here - outweigh any prospective green perks. I mean, if you're that concerned about the planet, walk. Or bicycle. Or get a horse. But you're ideals and attitudes shouldn't be forced upon the rest of us. We shouldn't have to deal with buses just because you say the planet needs them. In the defence of buses, the only plausible avenue is prudence. With out buses, how’s the blue collar worker suppose to get to the pulp mill? Or the punk to McD's to flip my burger? Or the crazy vagrant to his street corners downtown? They need the bus. But those students types who support the but business don't. So while buses may be a necessary evil of the modern world, that doesn't mean we need to like 'em. In that way, buses are kinda like taxes. I could say more, but I think that’s enough for now. This is just my spur-of-the-moment thoughts on the subject. I could be wrong. After all, what do I know.

Happy New Year!

"Nothing changes on New Year's Day." (Bono)

As we get closer to having to buy another Hello Kitty Calendar, there’s a lot of talk of looking back on the year and reflecting. It happens at the end of every year. You often see things like the Year in Pictures or Best Snacks of 2008. You get people looking ahead; deciding on resolutions; planning on how they’ll change with the new year – how they’ve learnt from their mistakes and experiences of the closing year, or whatever. All this, I contend, is total crap.

These people – who are, I should say, typically suburban automaton drones – are wholly diluted in their own positivity. They think they’ve come up with novel ideas for change and improvement and that this is the best time to enact them. But, of course, they’re wrong (on both accounts). There’s nothing really unique about them, what they’re doing, or the situations they’re in. Countless people over the centuries have resolved to quit cheating on loved ones, to quit stealing, to quit being such a jerk. And there’s nothing particularly unique about the end of a calendar cycle – that’s just a remnant of the Roman Empire and trait of Western society that has, almost fully, been imperialized onto all cultures of the world.

I mean, come on, the end of December 31 does not have any genuine privileged status. It’s a day, just like the next one, just like the previous one, and just like every other god damn day. The neophytes and philistines that are out parading around on New Year’s Eve are sick for doing so. Sick in the head. Fooled by another ridiculous tradition into thinking that there’s a genuine cause for celebration when, in fact, there is none. The worst is when this is their primary motivation for partying; it’s indicative of a shallow, unexamined, and empty existence. Celebrating New Year’s is, after all, as absurd as celebrating your birthday. Like, gimme a freakin’ break. There are few greater ways to be selfish and egoistic than to, once per year, have a party for being born (an “accomplishment” you, really, didn’t contribute to). These “times for festivities” are the most undeserving accomplishment and it’s revolting to sit there, act special (when you’re, quite clearly, not) and demand gifts and warm wishes from friends and family.

But the real nonsense of it all, of course, is: why wait until New Year's Eve to change? (As if the change on your ill set watch from 11:59pm to 12:01am marks some genuine threshold.) I mean, if you’re doing something wrong, or bad, or whatever, why wait? Changing something about yourself or what you do because “it’s a new year, man” is an offense to the concept of self improvement. You should always be striving to better yourself all ways. That should be the key motivation to change.

So what’s the moral of this story? Simple: to celebrate hallow days is to trivialize the important reasons in life for rejoice. Moreover, if you fail to recognize the foolishness of celebrating these hallow days, you’re no more than another slave to idiotic cultural norms. But take note: I’m not saying stay in on New Year's Eve and be unhappy. Instead, I’m pro going out and having fun. But don’t – DON’T – regard it as an important day or the reason to enjoy yourself. Enjoying life should be the aim of your pursuit; having a good time should be the reason to have a good time. If you’re only out and about because it’s your birthday, or cuz it’s New Year’s, or b/c you think TGIF, then you’re a sap and should just stay home (or, better still, just kill yourself). The assholes who are driven to celebrate these artificial motivations are the narrow minded yuppies who say things like “Why are you going out tonight? It’s Tuesday!” and ruin our society through their head-in-the-sand behaviour; they’re the people who think they’re right (when they’re not) without any really justification other than the fact that they believe that they’re special (when they’re not). I could say more, but I think that’s enough for now. This is just my spur-of-the-moment thoughts on the subject. I could be wrong. After all, what do I know.