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"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML" (Noname, #9321, fmylife.com)
The quote above came from this real interesting website that lists 1-line anecdotes from people all over the world. These lil stories summarize some of the worst things that happen to them. While reading through them I laughed at some, sympathized at others, and recognized the few that had happen to me as well. Then it dawned on me: the ones I recognized I hadn't (for the most part) thought they were that bad. Does that mean that my life is worse than theirs? After all, what does it say about my life if crappy experience x happens to me and I'm like "whatever... gotta roll with the punches." while x happening to others makes them react like "that's the worst thing ever! I fucking hate my life... what's the opposite of lol?"
When you stop and think about it, if you have the ability to read this, your life is pretty sweet. Not only to do you have the resources to access the internet and the competence to find the best website out there, you also have the time to waste it reading this. I mean, in all likelihood you're not: in a refugee camp, a village without running water, or part of a band of gypsies. I feel safe in assuming you're part of the upper most privileged crust of the 6+ billion people on the planet. Even then, when we just look at those few of us in the western world, you're probably not below the poverty line (unless you're a student... but being below the poverty line and a student is really different than being below the poverty line and NOT being a student). Nor are you probably in prison. Really, if you're reading this, no matter what's wrong in your life, it's way way way better than most people on this lil blue dot of ours. Nevertheless, when shitty things happen to us, why to we feel and act as if the world is ending?
At least intuitively, I think there are 2 reasons why we have such reactions: (1) we fail to recognize the big picture; and, (2) we rate our successes and failures compared to those of the people around us. Regarding the former, I think it's understandable. It's hard to keep the big picture in mind. When some bimbo spills her cosmopolitan all over your new white Armani shirt, you're probably not gonna think "oh well, at least I have an Armani shirt, unlike those poor lil African kids." And you probably don't what to think that either. Every time you fail to finish eating your 21 oz. sirloin steak, and some snot nosed idealist pipes up "don't be wasteful, man! Don't you know people are starving all over the world, dude?", you just wanna punch 'em in the balls and reply "ya, but those hemp pants didn't save your balls, eh hippy?" Sure it sucks that the lives of most people in the world are worse than yours, but there's only so much you can do about it... or, rather, only so much you can be expected to do about it. Your life is sufficiently withdrawn from theirs that you're justified in not comparing yours to theirs.
The second reason hits closer to home, I think. We all have this kind of built in desire to compete with the Jones family next door. To have a prettier lawn, smarter kinds, or whatever. It's almost as if we judge how well we're doing in our life by comparing it to those around us. Which is understandable; we need to have some means of evaluating our own performance and this seems to be and easy and effective means. So it doesn't matter if your life could be a lot worse and still way better than the lives of impoverished farmers in China. But it does matter than Jimmy Jones just got a new iPhone and you can't afford one; or than Janet Jones just got engaged, while you just got dumped for the ... time. Contrasted with this benchmark, your life sucks. And I think this is a reasonable benchmark to use. Here there are attainable goals: if you work hard, you might also get an iPhone and married. This sort of benchmark is universal: When Sally, in the refugee camp, gets an extra bowl of rice she knows she's got it pretty sweet compared to the other refugees; it does her no good to realize that Jimmy in London got an iPhone.
So when you get a C+ in the Philosophy of Love and Sex at uni, while your friends all got A-, you should feel bad. Your life does suck. don't try to find solace in the fact that some people don't even have the opportunity to go to uni and learn about Love and Sex, that's irrelevant. I could say more, but I think that’s enough for now. This is just my spur-of-the-moment thoughts on the subject. I could be wrong. After all, what do I know.
2 comments:
Hey Paul,
I think that you are totally right in the majority of this post, but I'd like to pose some food-for-thought to you about the people who DO have it so poorly off (ie. Sally in refugee camp with extra rice) that oppositly have the view that they are better off and have the foresight to share [this rice] with their fellow captives. So that there are some people who recognise that there are others worse off then them and sometimes sacrifice to benefit others. (I realise that this post was on the crappiness of thier lives and the other prisoners would probably therefore curse Sally for that extra bowl of rice, but in such circumstances, I think Sally, feeling the effects that this blessing of extra sustenance was bestowed upon her, would share her fortune with the others who were just as badly off.) [however I realise that this is not always the case, I wanted to highlight that some people recognise their humility/show generosity and able to see outside of the typical way of thinking outlined in your post.]
I realise this is a little off topic from you post, but thought it worth mentioning. hope you can see what I'm getting at, and maybe hear your thoughts on this aspect?
...plus I hadn't commented in a while...
You're right, Matt, your question here is off topic -- but that's okay. It raises an interesting discussion (which I'll only address superficially).
Sally, the lil girl in the refugee camp who gets extra rice, as a (relatively) sweet life. Should she make her life crappier in an attempt to improve the lives of others around here? Hmmm... sure? I guess it depends what you're after. If you're an every-man-for-himself kinda person, then no. But if you're a let's-be-altruists kinda hippy, then yes.
Richard Dawkins has written some real interesting stuff on altruistic behaviour. Check some of it out.
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