Bitchdom

“Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.” (Stewie, 'Family Guy')

In my last post I used the following example: a girlfriend who tells her significant other that she loves him, but goes around kissing other people. I said such a person is a bitch. I thought this was a good example for the point I was trying to make because, I thought, it was an obvious and uncontroversial truth (her status as bitch). But I was, apparently, wrong. In one of the comments I received on that post someone suggested that she might not be a bitch. I thought this was an unusual claim, so I thought it might be worthwhile to talk about what it means to be a bitch. This discussion, like my previous post about “bullshit”, kind of serves as means for presenting the problems generated by how non-traditional terms get into our everyday vocabulary and affect how we’re able to communicate. And even though the online urban dictionary is helpful when you get called a manicorn at the bar, ambiguity in what we mean when we say something is often the root of social problems.

First of all, I should point out that I conceptualized this girl (and her boyfriend) in a specific way: your typical pair of people in a monogamous relationship. They aren't swingers or anything. They (or at least the boyfriend) has a reasonable expectation of faithfulness. Having said that, like many of our words, bitch has many meanings. For instance 'bitch' does means "a female dog". But, clearly, that's not what I mean when I talk about the girlfriend who makes out with people other than her boyfriend. You might also use the term affectionately: "yea, she's my bitch." But, again, that's not what I mean here. I don't want to confuse you, so I want to be clear that I'm talking abut a specific sense of the word bitch. I think the way I used bitch in describing the girlfriend is the typical or primary usage of the term. I'll say a bit more about alternate usages later, but I want to first explain how I understand its primary meaning.

A bitch describes a girl whose behavior is harsh or mean to at least one other person, or a girl who has (on at least one occasion) a disposition that reflects a harsh or mean attitude towards someone; a girl has to be bitchy towards someone in order to be a bitch. She can also be a bitch generally, but that's just being a bitch to all most everyone. So being a bitch (in at least this sense) is a bad thing. The target of her bitchiness doesn't always need to be aware that (s)he is being treated poorly. Nor does the bitch, or anyone else, need to be aware of the fact that she’s acting like a bitch. So being a bitch isn't really a subjective thing; can be a bitch without anyone ever recognizing that fact about her. So why is the girlfriend in the example a bitch (in at least this sense)? Well, it seems to me that she's a bitch because she’s being deceitful and acting in such a way that would likely hurt her significant other (and, typically, we shouldn’t do things that would be harmful to those we say we love). Whether or not her boyfriend finds out that she goes around making out with other people is irrelevant, she's still a bitch in virtue of her disregard for the wellbeing of her boyfriend. She, it seems to me, is someone who has a neglectful disregard for the wellbeing of her significant other – such a disposition, I would say, counts as one that harsh or mean. Hence, she’s a bitch.

What about when you call a guy a bitch? That seems to necessarily imply something different; or at the least something more. Here’s what I mean: when you call a guy a bitch, even if you say it to express the same thing as when you'd say it to a girl, you seem to being saying something else as well. Here bitch seems to carry the implicit implication that he doesn't measure up as a man. Similar sorts of gender specific terms do the same sort of thing. For example (and I’ll admit that this might not be a good example) were you to call a girl a dickhead you’re implicitly suggesting that she doesn't measure up as a woman. The male version of bitch might be "asshole", although that may be a gender neutral term. I find it interesting that there are gender specific terms; but I’m not sure what that says about our language, society, or inter-gender relations. But maybe I’m on my own thinking there something interesting about our colloquial usage of slang and derogatory terminology. At the very least the ambiguity that comes with new words detracts from our ability to communicate effectively. I could say more, but I think that’s enough for now. This is just my spur-of-the-moment thoughts on the subject. I could be wrong. After all, what do I know.